My heart goes out to you. Please contact your county's mental health agency. You need to talk with a counselor. Catholic Social Services may also offer free counseling in your area as well. A good counselor will help you find peace. It's not healthy to be too dependent on your granddaughter. You need to take one step at a time to become more independent. In the process, you will meet people and make friends, which will help the loneliness you feel. Get involved in church activities or with other organizations that you can support. They all need volunteers and it feels much better when we're helping others. But you need to take that first step. It's not easy to step out of our comfort zone, but you NEED to do this right now. Take that first step and the Lord will lead the way from there.