I just want to take a minute to give thanks to an amazing God that despite my transgressions over the past few years He still has mercy for me, He still reaches out to me, He is patient with me. I have been so afraid to take action, for fear of discomfort. Running towards pleasure and comfort and seeking after approval. Even after an intimate relationship with Him, after seeing his hand, and many prayers answered, being granted peeks behind the curtain, truths people spend a life time trying to understand. I still found room to doubt and rebel and go my own way and take matters into my own hands. Knowing where it lead. By any human measure I'm dead to rights disqualified to proceed forward. By my own standards I belive I couldn't muster a fraction of such grace and mercy. Knowing how bad it hurts when people treat me that way and how much worse I've forsaken Him.through My pride and arrogance and self righteousness, knowimg right and doing wrong He still Loves me. That's the the kind of God we serve. I remember many days thinking that's it hell never take me back now, and I've gone to far. But he never left. All praise be to the most.High God and Christ Yeshua.

I need good quality advice from a wise Christian brother my whole life I have desired my mother's acceptance as a child she shot herself and she was emotionally abusive she called me things like little fagot and told me she wished she never had me and then other times she told me how much she loved me and couldn't live without me but what broke my heart the most is that those times don't wear she told me that she was leaving me or that I should have never been born now I've grown into a man but that trauma is still there I've tried and tried and tried to overlook it and stuffed it down I made peace with my mother I told her that she did the best she could I pretty much lied because I wanted her acceptance but today I realized that she is still that same monster and I don't think it's serving myself without confrontation and as a Christian man I know I'm supposed to love her and forgive her but does that mean I must take the abuse still how do I proceed and move forward I don't want to blame and I don't want to hurt anymore I want to grow and get past this and the Lord told me some strange things were coming up soon and I think this is something for me to master and it'll help me get over my insecurities and my brokenness but I don't know how to respond she's actually angry at me right now because she's thinks that I'm on drugs which I am but I mean and she won't speak to me but I started taking the drugs she gave me some actually actually gave me some drugs so that's not the reason why she's not speaking to me but everything is my fault and I'm the bad guy and anytime I want her to do is say I was fucked up and I'm sorry I just wanted her to acknowledge the damage she's done to me and I will forgive her willingly I just want a relationship with her really but I'm hurt and broken to this day I still can't be amongst a group of people without thinking I'm a burden to them or that I'm getting on some everybody's nerves or or scared to death that I'm going to make someone angry at me and yes her abuse got physical at times I'm not looking for pity or for anything like that all I'm really truly looking for is advice on how to move forward and prayers your prayers. I got sober for 3 years and I was so miserable that the voices that trauma pretty much got louder and louder and louder the more sober I was until the point that I couldn't take it anymore I mean and out and all my friends left and I was so broken that I can't approach a woman to find a mate and I was more miserable sober and I was getting high and I just fell off and started getting high again and I know that that's wrong and I'm taking steps to return to the Lord but actually I'm still talk to the Lord daily I still share my whole heart with him I don't read the Bible but I didn't before I was getting high not very much anyway but I'm not here to defend myself I'm just saying I know that it's not beneficial to do drugs as a Christian and especially to heal but it's all I truly know my whole life 95% of it has been about drugs and it's my only comfort zone it's all I know I know I'm a child of the most high God and I know this there's a training in this right now and I want to please him I truly do but I've always been so passive with her I don't think that helps either one of us for me to just ignore the behavior and especially when it continues I think you guys for your words and your prayers and the time that you take to help out you have a wonderful and blessed night

Getting ready to start withdrawals. Im done fooling myself I can't love/serve the Lord in this state. I pray for help and strength and any kind of aid possible to smooth this transition. I have been putting it off for a long time out of fear and well I like feeling good. But I know it's snare. Thanks

I am praying for a good honest word from the Lord of hosts

My prayer is for divine direction. I'm still lonely. My emotions are all over the place. I need a word from God to get me headed in the right direction again.

I'm stuck again, afraid to face the facts and the mess I've gotten myself in

Why is it after tragedy I always feel more on track. Life's a trip it's all bad. I need all kinds of prayers