Please Please call on the Lord. Let me tell you I have a brother that never did drugs etc but has had a very hard life. He almost lost his life due to a health issue. I spent five days at the hospital till I had to go home. He sent a testimony to me that forever will be close to me. He said the exact thing you did that he would be dead right now if he did not give his life to Jesus. I have never seen anyone so on fire for the lord right now. Find yourself a celebrate recovery program or other program .get yourself into a rehab. I was married for 25 years. I use to go and do the 12 step christian program. I still help others just not thru a program. I have seen so many families destroyed. Just ask Jesus into your heart. God Loves you .He has a plan for your life, a hope and a future. I lost my second husband this past year .It has been hard. I know that if we don't rely on the Lord we can never get where we need to be. Will add you to prayer list. a concerned mom.,grandma,mentor,friend,stepmom.etc. Because that is what I am. If one life can be saved many can.