God im sorry for the way i have been acting. it hasnt been reflecting you. i have no excuse because i choose to do them. I wont even blame satan on account thats just silly. Its becoming increasingly clear to me that i cant live in your light and in the world. that i cant be for you one day and the world the next. i cannot be like the hare in the race. yes, you want our best effort but you also want dedication and persistence and continuity and consistency from me. I have not been living like you and i am quick, so quick to get angry. James 1:20 says For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. i want to see your righteousness. Im sorry for how i have acted, for the things i have said and done. god im so lost. please pray for me. god please save me.