I need help with finding meaning for living this life. There are many points in my life where I wanted to die, and attempted suicide. I need to have a deeper understanding of God and Christ and have faith. I am so lost. I have not lived a christian life and I am very cynical of church and in Christianity . I accepted Christ, yet I have trouble conforming to a christian lifestyle. Maybe this will give me hope in living, because I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either.